We live in a fallen world. With sin came the warping of relationships, and humans who prey on and damage each other, which we can see as early as Cain and Abel. Humans have hurt and twisted their relationship with God, and so we all suffer because in turn our relationships with each other also become twisted and changed. We have sin and hate in our hearts, and it sometimes manifests in pain and damage inflicted on others. In this broken world, people are hurting and being hurt. The good news is that this isn’t our true home. The bad news is that we’re here in the meantime and we have to live in it.
With all of the injustice being revealed right now, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. In addition to racial injustice, I’ve thought a lot about gender inequality. I’ve been grappling with the questions, “Why are women targeted so much? How has it also become normal for women to feel unsafe?” Something that has always stuck with me, was a sermon by Alex Seeley, from The Belonging Co, where she said something along the lines of: I believe Satan hates women a little extra. She pointed out that in Genesis, God (who is speaking to the snake Satan) says, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” If you did not know, the google definition of enmity is “the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.” God gave name to the active opposition between Satan and women, who are givers of life to new image bearers of God.
Satan has it out for women a little extra. And I think we can see that clearly in the world right now.
I wanted to write this piece in response to what I’ve experienced and seen posted recently, but in reality, this is not something new to me (or any women for that matter). Feeling unsafe and threatened in any public place is something I’ve grown up used to. One of my earliest memories is my mother being told by the owner of a store she was not allowed to leave until she bought something. She had to call my dad for help, and I’m so thankful he was able to come quickly. I can’t remember the entire scenario, but the anxiety and fear present was palpable enough to stick with me even from the age of 4 years old. A woman with a child was not allowed to leave a store on her own, and was being bullied and threatened into making a purchase, but once her husband was there, the man backed down and let them leave with no trouble. That’s insane to me.
I had many, many talks with my parents about how I had to be careful in public places, stay alert, and stay together with friends before I was allowed to visit a mall without an adult. I was warned not to go anywhere without at least three girls, so that when someone had to use the restroom, the girl waiting outside wasn’t alone. We are taught to carry something in our car to defend ourselves, to use our key as a weapon, and to be wary of strangers. This is all necessary, considering the present dangers of human trafficking and rape. I’ve seen many posts recently raising awareness for women being targeted, and I wanted to share some experiences and thoughts, to hopefully make this more real for people who don’t understand it.
Some of the creepiest experiences I’ve had happened to me when I was in a public place people consider safe- in broad daylight. One of these experiences was in a gas station, with people present at every single pump. I noticed a man who looked like he was in his late twenties watching me from across the station. He didn’t even have a car there, he was just leaning against the wall with some friends. He approached me and tried to make conversation with me, and then called me “really pretty,” and then asked if I was still in high school. I said yes, and he just said “oh” and walked away, but kept watching me. First of all, I have no problem with a guy asking for my number in a safe environment, when I’m talking to them and I’m comfortable. No one starts conversations with a girl trying to pump gas alone, even if her little brother is still in the car. The entire time I felt so uncomfortable and grossed out. I refused to acknowledge him after he was done talking to me, but I could feel his disgusting stare. What made me feel more secure was the young man pumping gas beside me, who observed the encounter and asked if I was okay. He finished pumping his gas, but stayed longer than he had to in his car, until I got in mine. I noticed and appreciated it.
The most recent experience I had with feeling unsafe in a public environment was in downtown Columbia, while taking some pictures with girlfriends. You may be thinking, “oh well okay, but downtown cities are dangerous normally, for more people than just women.” And that’s true. But we weren’t in a dangerous area. We were in the most popular area to walk around and eat, and it wasn’t dark. If you live near Columbia, maybe you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say the parking lot by Mellow Mushroom on Gervais Street. Maybe you won’t and that’s fine. There’s a huge parking lot, right by a stoplight that has a large wall with a mural on it. As we were taking pictures by the mural, I noticed two men sitting on a bench about 200 feet away watching us. I was nervous about them being there at all, but wasn’t overly concerned because I knew there were plenty of people around. We took some photographs, and about 5 minutes into it, I noticed they were standing and taking pictures of us. I was so incredibly disgusted and uneasy, I immediately pointed it out to my friends and we left for our own safety.
I wanted to go over and smash their phones into the ground.
I hated that I had to be smart in the moment and get away instead of addressing them and defending my friends and I. I should have the ability to control when someone is taking pictures of me, and I should have the right to tell someone how I feel without fearing for my life.
We (women) are trained to see the people around us as threats, because in reality we don’t know when one could be. I’m the most unobservant person ever, but when I’m alone or with a group of only girls, I snap into a hyper aware state that would never come naturally to me. I’m always thinking of a way to escape a bad scenario, how I would protect my girlfriends, and which person walking past me might try to pull something on me. I become someone analytical and watchful, someone who views people as weapons instead of as brothers and sisters. The worst part of this is that my wariness is probably the best way to keep me safe. It’s my natural reaction to the existent threats posed by humanity and the people who take advantage of women. At a time when I’m trying to teach myself to give the people around me the benefit of the doubt, I’m at war over this in my head. I hate that we need to be guarded.
Unfortunately, we do.
To the women reading this: Research!!! You need to be prepared to defend yourself. Self defense classes are great, but there’s also plenty of information online. Know how to read the people or room around you for warning signs. If you feel uncomfortable, trust your gut. You do not owe a stranger anything when you feel endangered or threatened. Protect yourself first. Learn how to appear assertive and confident- predators or attackers are looking for an easy target. If you look like you’d put up a fight or know what to do when attacked, you’re less likely to be chosen as a victim. Make sure someone always knows where you are, avoid traveling alone in the dark, and stay alert and off your phone. Being on your phone actually signals you’re distracted rather than able to contact someone quickly. Please make smart choices. Don’t go drink and not have people looking out for you. For more information, you can start at this link.
To the Men: 1. Please, please, please stick up for women. If you see a woman who looks scared or in an unsafe situation because of someone else, check on her. Ask her if she’s okay! Also, let’s keep in mind that women have to be on alert, so don’t try to ask for someone’s number at a gas station out of nowhere or stare someone down. It’s not cute. It’s weird and it freaks us out. Places like a coffee shop, or a line somewhere while having a conversation are good places to ask for a number. Somewhere a person would feel safe and secure. If they say no, respect that and move on. I feel ridiculous explaining that because I thought it was common sense, but there’s a time and place for everything, and these women do not owe you anything. You are not entitled to their information, just respect them. 2. Check on the women in your life and listen to their stories. Learn from them. Right now, I think we’re learning more than ever to grow by having empathy for each other, and it’s beautiful. Keep that in mind, and please aid women being threatened or targeted. Also there’s a lot more to gender inequality than violence and abuse, so if you want to help, there’s plenty of articles out there about how men can be advocates for gender equality. For more information, here’s a link.
That’s it : ) Thank you for the read.
Journey-al 